Sameness-thats what my life is for a while now. Whether am happy about it ? hmm….may be not completely. But am getting through most of it. Suppressing all my damn volcanic feeling and coming out of it ,surprises me many a times. I love my life and have always been. I feel am blessed. Seriously. But have i done justice to my gifted life?? The answer is big fat NO.
Why???? I don’t know.
And not knowing it after 31 years of existence is shame. Is it?
Still i don’t know. Actually may be my ego does not want to accept it as shame yet so…its always I don’t know.
So what am i going to do about it??? continue dreaming as i always used to do??? ….May be…
See I have commitments ..Big ones..Its not a shot term project.Its a life long project . And as much i get mad being in it and living with it…I love it with my full heart and soul. I cannot live without it. My life right now revolves around my children. My 2 beautiful souls that we (me n hubby), with our whole heart and conscious brought them to this beautiful life (which is also full of madness). And so i cannot just forego my commitments and be selfish to attain my peace and dream.
I have always been a dreamer. And its my dreams that kept me sane and yes without any guilt – a non chaser and a lazy too. But now , for a while, i have been thinking big, planning big, ultimately dreaming big.
Are these for me , all these BIGs???
Well, partially yes and no too. Yes as i don’t want to be considered myself, in my later life ,as a couch potato . I need to know myself too. And most importantly to set as an example for my children. I understand lazing is blissful for those who enjoy it..wink. Well that’s on lighter tone, seriously but its like saying ‘hey-i dont-want-to-live-for-no-good-reason’.
My monotonous like is going to change or i will change it for sure.My beautiful children whom i am nurturing needs to understand that life is beautiful indeed ,but only if we make it and it’s not a cake walk. I know my dreams will keep me going.
I love my life and i love my dreams too.